


you were the first one i loved (you were the first love i lost)

by eversinceniall



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Could be triggering I guess, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lessons, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Unrequited Love, a happy one, and a sad one, kellic - Freeform, there are two endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4276824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin has been depressed and suicidal for almost his whole life, the reasons why unknown to him. He also happens to be in love with his best friend since preschool, Vic Fuentes, which is unrequited.</p>
<p>When Vic notices the fact that Kellin never wears short sleeves, and is always distant and lost in thought, he starts to suspect that something might be seriously wrong with his best friend.</p>
<p>So what happens when Vic asks Kellin why he's sad? And how does Kellin choose to respond?</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were the first one i loved (you were the first love i lost)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there are two endings, a happy one and a sad one. Just letting you know.
> 
> Enjoy the story babes <3

"Why are you sad, Kellin?" Vic asked, staring up at the sky.

He was lying on his back on one of the towels Kellin had brought with them, though his feet still hung off the edge, digging into the sand. Wearing nothing but light blue swimming trunks, and with his shoulder length brown hair still slightly damp, Kellin thought Vic was possibly the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. But that was nothing new.

Kellin was laying beside him, on his own towel. He shifted positions so that he too was lying on his back, gaze directed towards the setting sun.  
He couldn't help the way he self consciously pulled the sleeves of his white t shirt down, trying to cover his arms. He would have worn a shirt with longer sleeves or maybe even a jacket, but it wasn't worth the risk of Vic getting suspicious. Who would wear a jacket to the beach? Kellin, that's who.  
Vic had been urging him to get in the water all day, though Kellin refused each time. He couldn't take his shirt off. If he did, Vic would see all the scars and fresh cuts that littered Kellin's arm and torso.

"What do you mean?" He asked, like he didn't know. He did know, but sometimes it was better to act oblivious.

Vic knew Kellin was often sad, he just didn't know why. Kellin wasn't sure what to tell him. 

Vic sighed and tucked his arms underneath his head. "You know what I mean."

Kellin thought about it for a while. Why was he was sad? More so, how could he answer that question? He couldn't exactly say, I'm sad because I'm in love with you and you don't know nor do you feel the same way.

It made him feel stupid, and incredibly young. If he were to say that, it would seem as though he was being dramatic or over-analyzing his feelings. He knew what people would say if they knew he was in love with Vic. They would tell him he was just confused, or that it was just a crush. They'd say that it was nothing to be depressed over, and that he should try to move on.

Kellin tried to move on repeatedly, yet no boy or girl he ever met or went on a date with made him feel the way Vic did. He knew the way he felt wasn't something he could just get over or get rid of, but he knew other people wouldn't believe that. So he didn't tell anyone. 

He didn't want people to think he was depressed over a boy (then again, Vic wasn't just any boy), even if it was the truth. He was depressed, and although Vic was a factor in it, he wasn't the sole reason.

Kellin loved Vic, more than he'd ever loved another person. He'd been in love with Vic for a little over two years now and had had a crush on him for years before that. 

They'd met at the ages of 6 and 7 and were inseparable ever since. Three years ago, around the time Vic started getting girlfriends, Kellin realized that the way he felt about his best friend wasn't exactly normal and he probably shouldn't be jealous or wish that he was in Vic's girlfriends' place. And when all his friends talked about how hot the girls in their grade were, Kellin couldn't help but notice he only had eyes for Vic. Vic made him incredibly happy and every time he saw the older boy, butterflies flew around in his stomach. That definitely wasn't how he should feel about his best friend. 

And so after months of denial, Kellin finally admitted to himself that he had a crush on Vic. But Vic was his best friend, and he was also straight, and Kellin didn't see the point in possibly jeopardizing an amazing friendship and losing the most important person in his life, all for the sake of his stupid feelings. 

These feelings will go away, is what he kept telling himself around the time his crush for his best friend popped up.

So he didn't tell Vic. And unfortunately, the feelings didn't go away. In fact, they just intensified, and soon enough blossomed into full blown love. Maybe that's when Kellin first realized he was in deep shit.

There were countless times Kellin wanted to tell Vic the truth. But there was always that underlying fear that things would go horribly wrong. And honestly, Kellin was a coward, and he'd admit it. He was too scared of the 'what ifs.'

Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is hard enough on it's own, but having to watch them date dozens of girls over the span of two years as a plus was definitely worse. Right now, Vic was dating a pretty red head named Danielle, and although she was sweet, Kellin couldn't help but want to claw her eyes out. Now that Vic was in a happy relationship, that just fused more reasons for Kellin to not tell him.

 

Realizing that he'd zoned out for far too long to be normal, Kellin finally responded, "I don't know." 

It was a lie, clear as day, but he'd been too absorbed in his own pity party that he hadn't had the chance to come up with a reasonable and at least somewhat believable response.

Vic turned over so that he was facing Kellin, curiosity in his eyes and something like determination "Do you really not know the reason you're sad? Or do you just not want to tell me?"

Kellin turned his head towards the older boy. "Both." Wow, he told the truth for once. Kellin had to remind himself that wasn't an accomplishment.

"Is it bad?" Vic asked, and his voice softened when he spoke.

Kellin shrugged, feeling a tad confused. "I don't know if it's bad. It depends on what you consider bad."

"Are you-" Vic cut off, looking hesitant to continue. Kellin gave him a nod to 'go on.'

"Are you being abused at home? Or bullied?" Vic asked, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. As if he was afraid he would be right and Kellin would freak like a cornered animal.

Kellin shook his head quickly, a bit appalled that his best friend had thought that. "No! No, it's nothing like that, I promise. Why would you think that?"

Vic's cheeks were turning a light pink, and Kellin knew he was probably embarrassed for assuming something like that.

"I just- you always wear long sleeved shirts, or sweaters and hoodies. And you won't even take your shirt off to swim. So I just assumed..." Vic exhaled in relief, "but God am I glad I was wrong. I was so scared you were being beat up by kids at school or something...worse."

Kellin's heart jumped in his chest at the way Vic was so concerned about him, at how much he cared.

He was just worried because you're his best friend, not because he likes you, Kellin had to remind himself.

"I'm not getting abused or bullied, I swear. I'm okay, Vic. You don't have to worry about me." Kellin assured him.

Vic nodded, looking relieved, he said "I always worry about you, Kells."

But then he paused. Froze. "If you're not getting beat up or hurt, then why do you refuse to take your shirt off?"

Shit.

Kellin swallowed hard. What was he supposed to say?

"It's too cold to take my shirt off." Is the lame excuse that popped out of his mouth. He wanted to smack himself almost instantly. He really wasn't good under pressure.

Vic's eyes narrowed, "It's the beginning of summer, Kellin. It's hot as hell. Now tell me the real reason."

Kellin's mouthed opened and closed before he finally spit out the words, "I can't."

Vic sat up, crossing his legs like a pretzel. His eyes were pleading, "Kellin, I'm worried about you. Why won't you tell me what's going on with you? You've been acting so weird lately. Is it something I did?"

Kellin sat up too, feeling vulnerable when he was the only one laying. "I want to tell you, I do, but I can't."

"Please. You're driving me crazy thinking of all the things that could be wrong with you. "

Knowing Vic wasn't going to give up, Kellin slowly rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, and held his arm out for Vic to see.

There was a moment of silence and then Vic gasped when his eyes landed on the fresh cuts, the scabbed and healing ones, the scars, and all the dried blood.

Kellin looked away, not wanting to see the look of disgust he knew he would find on his best friend's face.

"Kellin, look at me." Vic said softly.

Kellin ignored him, but when the older boy called his name again, he couldn't help but to look at him.

He was surprised to see that Vic didn't look disgusted or disappointed, just sad. There were tears welling up in the brown haired boy's eyes and spilling down his cheeks. Kellin felt horrible as he realized that Vic was crying because of him.

"Don't cry, please." Kellin whispered.

Vic held on to his arm, and begun tracing the old scars with his fingertips. He sniffled and tears fell off his face, dripping onto Kellin's arm.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying." Vic said, but he was overcome with sobs halfway through his sentence. "You should be crying, Kellin. I'm not the one with cuts and wounds all over my arm."

"Vic, I'm okay-"

Vic cut him off, "Okay? This is not oh-fucking-kay, Kels."

"I know. I know." Kellin whispered, not knowing what else to say.

Vic let go of his one arm, and reached for the other one, but Kellin snatched it away just before the older boy could pull the sleeve up.

"Is that one the same?" Vic asked, and Kellin could practically hear the hope in his voice. The hope that Kellin would say no, it was just the one arm, not the other. But Kellin had already revealed this much and he was tired of constantly lying, so he nodded.

Vic visibly deflated, and he looked down at his lap. When he looked back up, his eyes were glossy.

"Why? Tell me why you're sad. Tell me why you do this to yourself."

"I don't know why." Kellin told him.

It was the truth. It'd been years since Kellin had first harmed himself, and he could barely remember how he'd gotten the idea in the first place. He must have been about 10 or 11 when it started. In the beginning, he only cut on his thighs because they were easiest to hide and cover up. He could still go swimming and he could still take his shirt off in front of people. 

He continued to cut on his thighs for years, until they were almost completely covered and there were scars overlapping scars and cuts overlapping cuts. He was running out of room.

It was only in recent months that he had begun to cut on his arms and wrists aswell. He'd cut a few times on his chest and stomach, too, but he mainly stuck to his arms. 

It'd been going on since he was young, and now at the age of 17, Kellin was doubtful he would ever stop. It was almost a part of him now.

That wasn't the point though. The point was that he didn't know why he was sad and he didn't know why he wanted to hurt himself.. He didn't have a bad life at home. His parents were still together and very much in love. They hardly ever fought, and when they did, it was over and forgotten within a few hours.

He had a good relationship with both his mom and his dad, though he was closer to his mom. Sure, they'd get in small spats every so often, but never over anything big.

His parents weren't ever low on money. They weren't rich, but they could be called upper middle class, so he never had to worry about not having enough clothes or school supplies.

He wasn't super popular at school, but he wasn't hated. He was a well liked guy and had a nice closed knit group of friends.

There was nothing bad in his life, and Kellin knew this. There never had been. The only bad thing was his unrequited love for Vic, but even before that he'd been depressed.

He had a good life, a life some people only wished they could have. There were people far worse off than he was.

But ever since he was a little boy, he always felt like something was missing. He felt empty, and alone, even when his family and friends were right next to him.

He often found himself faking smiles and laughs around his friends when they should be real. 

No matter how many people who loved and cared about him, he still felt unhappy. He was downright miserable. 

His mind was a dark dark place, and he often got lost in his thoughts while laying in bed at night. He thought about how unhappy he was, and how insignificant he felt. 

It was like there was a hole in his heart, in his soul, an emptiness that he couldn't fill.

It was in these moments of the night that he admitted to himself that he wished he was dead. He knew his family and friends would be heartbroken if he were to commit suicide, but he also knew they would heal, and move on with their lives, eventually beginning to forget about him.

And Kellin wanted to do it. He wanted to die so badly, but he couldn't bring himself to go through with it. There was always something holding him back.

Even though he carved into his skin on a daily basis, Kellin was still scared of death. He wasn't scared of the pain of dying. He was positive dying wouldn't hurt as much as the way he felt inside. 

He was scared of what was after. Where would he go after death? Heaven? Hell? Nowhere? Would his soul float around aimlessly? Or would he just disappear into thin air after his heart stopped beating and his brain stopped working, simply vanishing from existence? He didn't know, and that was what scared him. He didn't like the uncertainty.

Then there was the guilt. And the anger. He felt so guilty for feeling this way when he had no real reason to be sad other than the fact that he simply was. He had the perfect life and he was sad? Other people had nothing. It made him feel so dramatic, so selfish, and ungrateful, and like he was blowing this all out of proportion.

It's not like he didn't try to get help. Around the age of 12, he told his mom how he felt (though not everything, and definitely not about his self harming problem) and she took him to a doctor. He ended up on antidepressants, and had to go visit a therapist once a week.

He was convinced he would be fixed. He could finally be happy and normal. But the antidepressants didn't work and after a year of being on them, he got impatient. Convinced they were useless, he stopped taking them altogether.

It'd been over four years since he'd been on any antidepressants, and now he was here, drowning in a river of his love for the boy he couldn't have, his never-ending sadness, and the addiction he couldn't break.

And because Vic asked for it, Kellin told him all of this, excluding the parts where he's in love with him.

Vic listened patiently, and though he tried to hide it, Kellin knew he was holding back tears.

"I don't know why I'm unhappy, Vic. There's not a specific reason. I just always feel empty. I feel unwanted, and unloved, even when I know that it's not true. I just wish I could stop feeling..." Kellin explained, taking in a shuddery breath.

Vic scooted closer to Kellin and took his hand, interlacing their fingers. "You can get better. You can go back on medication. Just because that one didn't work doesn't mean others won't. Do it for me- no, do it for yourself. Do it so you don't have to feel this way anymore. Do it so you can finally be happy. I love you, and I hate seeing you like this, Kels. I just want you to be okay."

Tears sprang to Kellin's eyes and he pulled Vic closer, to the point where the older boy was practically in his lap. Kellin wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug and buried his face in Vic's neck.

"I'm so scared, Vic." Kellin said, his words slightly muffled. "I'm know something is wrong with me. I know I'm not supposed to be feeling like this. But what if there's something really wrong with me? What if I can't get better? Or what if I can? I don't know if I wanna be like this forever, but what if I don't like being happy either?"

Vic's hand went up to Kellin's head and he ran his fingers through his hair soothingly, "You will get better, Kellin. You can't think like that. You can't think of all the bad things or you'll worry yourself sick. You need to focus on the good. Take it one step at a time. Don't worry about being happy. It's not a bad thing, Kels. You'll like it just fine, because you'll finally be able to enjoy life."

With Vic by his side, listening to him, Kellin felt like he could do anything. Like he could get better, and so he found himself slowly agreeing to try and get help. But.

Kellin pulled away from the hug, and leaned back, resting his hands on the sand. He played with it idly, slipping it through his fingers while he tried to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

"There's something I need to tell you first." 

Vic nodded, and reached out to grab Kellin's hand from the sand. When Kellin hesitated, Vic gave his hand a reassuring squeeze to continue.

Maybe it was because he'd already said so much or he'd just poured his guts out to Vic. Or it could be because it finally felt right, like the perfect moment to come completely clean. But he knew he had to do this, because he didn't think he'd ever get a perfect chance to do it again. It was now or never.

So with a deep breath in and out, he said it, "Vic, I'm in love with you."

Vic's reaction wasn't immediate. He blinked slowly, as though processing this new information, before the realization of Kellin's words seemed to dawn on him, and his face turned pale.

"W-what?" Vic asked, his voice shaky. Kellin noted the way Vic began to play with his fingers, a habit he only had when he was feeling nervous or scared.

"I love you," Kellin repeated, "and I know you don't feel the same way, and that's okay, you don't have to. I just wanted you to know."

It felt good. Kellin knew Vic didn't feel the same way, but just saying it, finally admitting how he felt about the older boy was like a weight off his chest. Now, the only thing he had to worry about was how Vic would take this confession.

"I don't.... I don't know what to say." Vic said softly.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry that I'm just springing this on you."

 

"It's unexpected-" Vic started, but Kellin continued on.

"I've been trying to tell you this for years, but I've always been so scared and I just want you to be able to accept it. I want you to be okay with how I feel about you and I don't want this to change anything between us. Because it doesn't - and it shouldn't. You're my best friend and I love you, but you're my best friend first and foremost and-"

"Kellin, will you let me talk?" Vic interrupted.

Kellin nodded slowly, bracing himself for whatever Vic was about to say.

"Are you sure it's love? And not just a crush that you'll get over?" Vic asked quietly.

Kellin stared at him, a hurt look on his face, "Did you really just ask me that, Vic? Really?"

"Kellin, I'm sorry, it's just-"

Kellin cut the older boy off midsentence as he stood up, and started pacing, beginning to ramble.

"I'm pretty sure I know how I feel about you, Vic, especially when I've felt this way for years, tried to convince myself it wasn't true. But you know what? It IS true, and it's not going away. Believe me, I've tried to stop loving you but it never works . I love the way your face lights up when you see me, and I love the brilliant smile that appears on your face whenever you talk about something you have a passion for. I love your stupid brown eyes and I could stare at them forever if possible. I love the way you always know when I'm sad and you always try to cheer me up, and I love the way we're so close and similar that we sometimes say the same things at the same time. I love the stupid little things. Like how you always buy me mint chocolate chip ice cream because you know it's my favorite, or when you pull me out of my thoughts because you can tell I'm thinking too much. But most importantly, I love YOU, and EVERYTHING about you. And I know how I feel, so please don't try to convince me otherwise."

And there it was. That look in Vic's eyes, the way sympathy shone through, and in that moment Kellin knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

"You love me," Vic stated, his voice holding disbelief.

Kellin nodded, wishing he could maybe disappear.

Vic ran his hand through his hair in frustration, and spoke, "I'm sorry, Kellin. I'm so sorry, but I'm straight. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I have Danielle, and I love her."

He was so fucking stupid. He just had to go ahead and pour his heart out, put his fucking heart on the line for Vic to break and crush and stomp all over with his words.

How in his mind could he have thought this was a good idea? Did he think Vic would confess his love and they'd run off into the sunset? Maybe. But this wasn't a fucking fairytale, and Kellin should have known better .

"O-okay." Kellin said. 

He was trying so hard to hold back the tears he could feel threatening to rise up and spill down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." Vic repeated, for the millionth time

"It know." Kellin said, but that didn't mean he felt any better. If anything he felt worse.

When Kellin moved a little closer and Vic jumped away like he had some sort of disease; he knew. Vic was disgusted by him, by the thought that his best friend lusted after him. It was more than lust for Kellin, it was love too, but to Vic it was as if there was no difference between the two.

And he could tell by the look in his best friend's eyes, that in Vic's point of view, things were different. Things had changed, and Vic was always going to be cautious, scared Kellin might jump him like a wild animal.

Kellin knew. Their friendship was over. All because he had made the mistake of confessing his love. And no, he wasn't overreacting. He could tell by the way Vic looked at him, that everything he assumed, the worst possible scenario, was happening.

He knew how this went. It would start off subtle. Vic would deny requests to hang out, saying he was too busy or had other plans. Then, he'd ignore Kellin's phone calls, make up stupid excuses like he forgot his phone at home or it had died. 

And then, eventually, he'd just ignore Kellin in general, say that they had grown apart, and their friendship wasn't the same. Until finally, they were done, and their friendship ceased to exist.

And Kellin would continue to call Vic, even when all his calls were denied, because he would hold onto that hope that one day Vic would miss him, the way he missed Vic.

It was all going to happen and he knew it. Kellin could feel tears about to fall, so he turned his head to the side so Vic wouldn't see. He couldn't let that happen, couldn't just let Vic drift away slowly. It'd hurt too much, and when Vic was gone be all he'd have left were his memories, clothes Vic had left at his house, and the remainder of their friendship every time he looked at specific things. No, he couldn't let it end like that. He had to end it now, quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. Kellin quickly got up, leaving his towel behind, and began walking away from the beach, and Vic.

"Where are you going?" Vic called, worry in his voice.

Kellin didn't bother to respond. He kept walking, though he wanted to scoff at the worry in Vic's voice. Vic didn't care. Maybe he had when they were friends, but not now. Vic didn't love him, and Kellin had made a choice. He was going home and he wasn't surprised when Vic didn't chase after him.

But it was okay. It was all okay now. Because he had confessed, he had laid his heart out bare for Vic, and now he could end it. He wouldn't need Vic anymore anyway, because he was going to end it all. Tonight.

 

THE END.

 

ALTERNATE ENDING:

 

"I'm pretty sure I know how I feel about you, Vic, especially when I've felt this way for years, tried to convince myself it wasn't true. But you know what? It IS true, and it's not going away. Believe me, I've tried to stop loving you but it never works . I love the way your face lights up when you see me, and I love the brilliant smile that appears on your face whenever you talk about something you have a passion for. I love your stupid brown eyes and I could stare at them forever if possible. I love the way you always know when I'm sad and you always try to cheer me up, and I love the way we're so close and similar that we sometimes say the same things at the same time. I love the stupid little things. Like how you always buy me mint chocolate chip ice cream because you know it's my favorite, or when you pull me out of my thoughts because you can tell I'm thinking too much. But most importantly, I love YOU, and EVERYTHING about you. And I know how I feel, so please don't try to convince me otherwise."

Vic studied his face for a while, before he finally spoke up, "Can I kiss you now?"

"No, you can't- wait...what?" Kellin asked, looking at Vic with wide eyes.

Vic looked at him warmly, and grabbed Kellin's hand from where it was resting on his lap, and laced their fingers together. "I love you, Kellin. I'm in love with you. I have been for a while now. I was just way too scared to tell you."

"But if you love me, then why did you try to convince me it was just a crush? And what about Danielle, your girlfriend?" Kellin asked, still in a state of denial.

 

"I was afraid that it might just be a crush. I love you, Kells, and the thought of you loving me back was and still is pretty hard to believe. I wanted to be positive that you really feel the same way. As for Danielle, I'll break up with her. Sure, I l like her, but I love you, and every girl I've ever dated has in no way come close to you. I love you, Kellin, and I mean it, and I will mean it forever, because you're the only person I've ever wanted. I really hope you'll let me kiss you now, because God I've wanted to kiss you for years, and now I can. If you'll let me." 

Kellin, still shocked as hell that everything he'd ever wanted was coming true, could only nod in response.

Vic grinned, and pulled Kellin into his lap, so that the younger boy way straddling him. He cupped Kellin's cheeks in his hands and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Kellin's.

 

Kellin wasn't sure what he was feeling. Happiness, for sure. God, he was so damn happy, he hadn't felt this blissful for the longest time. He felt like nothing could ever bring him down. 

But he also knew that wasn't true. Lots of things could bring him down, and while he was happy now, soon enough the high he was feeling right now would disappear, and he would be left empty and sad again.

"I'm so happy right now." Kellin whispered once he had detached his lips from Vic's.

"I'm glad. All I ever want you to be is happy." Vic said, staring into Kellin's eyes. 

"It's dark." Kellin said, looking around.

The sun had went down, and too involved in their serious conversation, they hadn't noticed that the moon now hung in the sky.

And Jesus, Vic was looking at him so lovingly, adoration in his eyes, and Kellin felt like he could just melt. 

He didn't want to break the happy, peaceful moment, but he had to make sure something was clear.

"I'm happy right now, but soon enough I'll be sad again. I'm not fixed just because you confessed your love for me. I need you to know that. And I need to know you'll be there for me, and you won't leave me, even when I'm falling apart and breaking down."

Vic nodded in understanding. "I know. I don't expect you to magically feel better. And you know I'll be here, right beside you, for as long as you want me. "

Kellin gave a smile, "I'll always want you."

Vic smiled back, light pink tinting his cheeks, "Good. Because I'll always need you."

And Kellin knew that things weren't okay, and his wrists were itching with the need to cut, and he still had that feeling of emptiness. He knew that he would break down and cut, and he'd want to die at moments. But he also knew that things would as be okay, eventually. Because he had Vic, and he was going to get help, real help, and he wasn't going to give up. He would do everything he could, even when it was hard and certain medications didn't work, to be happy, and Vic would be by his side every step of the way. Kellin was tired of being sad and he was tired of all the pain, and he wouldn't stop until he was happy. Although Vic couldn't fix him with love, he sure as hell was Kellin's inspiration to get better.

 

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I guess the point of the happy ending is that Kellin is happy. He's happy and in love but he stills wants to cut and he still wants to die, and he still feels hollow and empty. Just because Vic loves him,doesn't mean he's automatically fixed or okay. He's not okay. I've read a lot of fan fiction where person A is broken. Person A meets Person B, they fall in love, and Person A is automatically happy and fixed/cured of all their issues and problems. These stories all piss me off, because although it might be nice to read about your favorite people being happy and normal, this is not how real life works.
> 
> Love doesn't fix you; you do. Sometimes love, or a certain person are the inspiration you need to fix yourself.
> 
> Vic was Kellin's inspiration to get better. He wanted to be happy and he wanted to not feel so dead inside all the time. He wanted to be okay and lead a normal life with Vic, so he decided that in order to do that he was going to need help, real help, and medications. And he would get through it because he'd have Vic by his side to support him.
> 
> In thes sad ending, Kellin is in love with Vic, and he has this hope that he'll get a fairytale ending where Vic loves him back. Unfortunately, Vic is straight and in love with his girlfriend. Kellin can tell that their friendship is over by the way Vic looks at him and reacts. Vic is the most important and valued person in Kellin's life, and when he realizes that his friendship with Vic is going to disintegrate, he panics because the only happiness he has left in his life is going to disappear. It's more about the fact that he has just lost his best friend, than the fact that Vic doesn't love him back. So, losing Vic pushes Kellin over the edge, and he finally decides to go through with his suicide.
> 
> The reason I wrote two endings is because I wanted to portray how our actions, words, and choices can cause very different scenarios to play out.
> 
> So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this story, it took me forever to write because I put a lot of thought into it. And ily <3


End file.
